Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Teens & Dating?

When girls are little, they want to grow up and marry their Daddy. Sigmund Freud called it the Elektra Complex based on a Greek tragedy.

We all know little girls who would do anything to make their daddies happy.

As girls grow up their interest in boys begins to emerge and Dad is still important. More important than they realize a lot of the time. It is easy as your daughter becomes a teenager to walk away and stop working on having a good relationship with your daughters, but never is there a time when you are needed more. It is during those crucial years that a girl either feels loved or she begins to seek the love she wants from a boy.

Now I know that teenage boys are not evil - not by any stretch. They can be good kids just like most girls are good kids. The thing is between a teenage girls raging hormones and a teenage boys raging hormones for things to happen. It is hard for dad's to compete for their daughters attention, but in truth if a girl doesn't get the attention she needs from her dad she will go and seek it out somewhere else. This was something Chris and I had to really talk about at great length especially since he missed quite a number of Sarah's formative years. It took a while, but he made the connection in his head and he works hard to make sure he takes time for Elizabeth, Beka, and Sarah.

Here's the thing, it isn't just important for fathers to be active in their lives, but mothers too. And as parents Chris and I make it a point to be sure we have a good and open talks with our girls about sex. Open dialogue is so important. I know talking to your teens about sex is scary and can be embarrassing sometimes, but you don't have to go into graphic detail. It does mean though that you need to say more than, "Don't have sex before your married" or "We waited and you should too." I mean talking with your sons and daughters about the importance of waiting and why it is importance and why sex is a beautiful thing between two married people.

While I didn't make it to my wedding night, there is still something lovely about know that Chris and I learn a lot of things together. And I like that he is the only one who knows me that intimately. I can't imagine making a different choice and walking around knowing that more than one man knows me like Chris knows me.

Last but not least while speaking to your kids about the importance of abstinence but it is also important to have consistent discipline and structure. It is in those small lessons we teach our children about following the rules that we slowly teach our children how to a) follow the rules, b) that we care and love them enough to say no to them even if they don't like us very much; and c) that life means not always doing what feels good.

We live in a world that teaches our children that it is okay to have sex and that if it feels good that it must be okay. But the Apostle Paul tells us 1 Corinthians 10: 23 & 24 "'Everything is permissible' but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others." There are a lot of things in life that feel good, drugs, alcohol, sex; however, we know that abusing drugs can kill you, as can smoking, winning feels good, but gambling destroys lives and families. . . I think you see my point.

I hope you all have a good evening and that your week goes smoothly.

Love in Christ,


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