Friday, June 24, 2011

Discouraged and Inept?

Today is one of those days as a youth leader where I am discouraged. I'm not giving up, I just wonder if I'm the right woman for the job? I also wonder if I can do this and keep the teens interested. Doubts plague my mind, especially when suddenly I have teens backing out of the School's Out Blowout at the apartment. Games, pizza, movies, and a sleep over for the girls.

Today is the day where I wonder, I know I can relate to the girls and I'll do fine with them, but what am I going to do with the boys? I don't have a clue about being a teenage boy - how can I help the boys? I wonder if we're ever going to grow, if my feeling of concrete certainty that God has a plan for our small church to grow is real or if I'm just delusional? I hit this point in Sicily - where wondered if I was the right woman for the job too. Of course, then it was because I felt inferior to my beautiful and socially talented flatmate. Let me tell you being second fiddle to a runner up for Miss Alaska isn't easy - it tends to grab hold of you and let Satan make you wonder if you are really going to do a good job or if you should have stayed home.

I know I struggle socially - I always have. I know that growing up in an incredibly honest and open family who just said whatever was on their minds probably hurt me more than helped me. But then again it also equipped me to not play favorites. It taught me to listen to every one's perspective - even if I didn't like what they had to say.

So these are the things I know:
1. God did not move us to Everett, Washington without a reason and so if God has enough faith that He can use me to help our teens, then I have enough faith that He will lead me and guide me.
2. I know that while I may not always have the right thing to say, I do know that I have a heart for teenage girls and I understand how tough it is to be a young girl who is growing and changing into an adult.
3. I know that no matter what I cannot give up. Would it be easy? Sure it would, and yet I know that I need to stay the course and finish this race.
4. Rome wasn't built in a day and a youth group won't happen overnight. I know this is something that God wants, so if He can be this determined to not give up then so can I even when it means He is the one carrying me when I am discouraged.
5. Despite what I want to do - I need to not over analyze everything and take a leap of faith.
6. I can't give up on reading my Bible daily and praying - He is listening, even when it doesn't feel that way.

I hope you all have a good week and I will blog again on Monday unless otherwise led by God.
Love in Christ,

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