Wednesday, January 12, 2011

High Prices

An acquaintance of mine on Facebook (FB) put a video on by Puddle of Mud called "Blurry". It's a good song, but the video is interesting since it shows a father and son on his weekend of visitation. It shows them laughing and playing together and spending time together including taking a nap. It also shows when the little boy must go back to his mom and leave the dad.

People fall in and out of love quickly these days. Let's be honest, we've fallen into the trap of believing the garbage we get fed on television. Love is supposed to always be exciting and euphoric. They often forget to show you that love and marriage are work. With movies and television selling us a load of bunk like this, is it any wonder why there is such a high divorce rate.

I read an article lately where Jenny McCarthy said that after a while her relationship with Jim Carrey wasn't fun anymore. This is my response to that - who said love is always fun. Chris and I don't always laugh and carry on. Don't get me wrong we have plenty of times when we laugh and have a good time together, but it isn't at the top of our concerns at this moment. Yes, when I miss the thrill of falling for someone - but not that much. First, it would mean I would have to date again and that alone is enough to scare me silly. I hate dating, I hate how everyone is always putting on their fake face to present the best of themselves until about three months in when suddenly you realize the niceness is gone and what you see is what you get. Second, I love that Chris knows all of my flaws and insecurities and he loves me still because of them, not in spite of them. He knows all of my scars (and I have several of them thanks to several surgeries) and he loves my stretch marks, because they are symbols of my giving him two little monkeys who make us laugh and cry (sometimes at the same time) and who are amazing and we have Sarah who is a great girl who works hard and is beginning the road to being an adult.

Here is the thing about love - it should always be a I Corinthians 13 love. It should be patient, kind, not be envious, easily angered, it is supposed to protect and stand beside you. It is fun when it's the beginning - don't get me wrong, but what is equally nice is loving someone and knowing they love you in return. Knowing that their love comes with no strings attached and is unconditional. There is something so nurturing and amazing in a love like that - why would someone choose to throw that away?

Here is the thing about the video I saw - it showed the high price of divorce or even having sex with someone who you don't love enough to marry. In these situations the person who pays the highest price of them all is an innocent child. With our sexual revolution we have created entire generations of men and women who go into adulthood severely wounded and often with a convoluted idea of what a marriage and love are supposed to be. We see perfect examples of this in Sex in the City - Carrie Bradshaw is a woman who lives a "liberated" sex life, but who never knew her own father. While Ms. Bradshaw isn't as promiscuous as two other characters, Miranda or Samantha it still takes a toll on her life and her relationships. In the middle of all of this liberation we have said goodbye to the idea of caring for others and how our actions (or lack thereof at times) can affect other people. We have become a society of act first and worry about the consequences later. Sexual liberation? How can losing a piece of yourself that you can never reclaim possibly set you free.

BarlowGirl has a song called "Porcelain Heart" that has these lyrics:
"Broken heart, one more time.
Pick yourself up, why even cry?
Broken pieces in your hands.
Wonder how you'll make it whole again.

You know you pray, 'This can't be the way.'
You cry, you say 'Something's gotta change and
mend this porcelain heart of mine.'

Someone said, 'A broken heart stings at first then
makes you stronger.'
You wonder why this pain remains.
Were hearts made whole just to break?

You know, you pray, 'This can't be the way.'
You cry, you say 'Something's gotta change and
mend this porcelain heart of mine.'

Creator, only you take brokenness
and create it
into beauty once again.

The song goes into the chorus again, but it makes a good point. Did God make our hearts to be broken repeatedly? No I don't believe he did. I believe his will for our lives is to wait until He sends the right man or woman into our lives.

After praying and discussing this at length, it's one of the reasons why Chris and I don't allow dating. We both know what can happen and Sarah lives with the ramification of her parents choices everyday. She spent a considerable amount of time in therapy working through her anger with her mother about some of her choices and words.

We have people in church who think we are crazy and unrealistic, but I say, "raise the bar of expectations." Expect great things from your children and help them along the way as they learn to navigate their lives and while they may not always like the idea of Mom and Dad hovering, we choose to put the responsibility back on our shoulders where it belongs. This choice isn't for every parent - some of you will read this and think we are crazy, that's fine. However, for some of you this will ring true. Encourage your children to seek God's will for their lives, in every aspect - including their love life. After all, he promises us that he knows the plans he has for us, plans for our good and not for our harm. Granted he said it to the children of Israel, but we have been adopted by the King. Shouldn't we trust him with this choice.

Have a good week.

Love in Christ,

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