"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
This is my daughter, Elizabeth, a.k.a Monkey.
And as I was reading The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers, I felt it laid on my heart to share something with you.
This is for those who have chosen abortion as a way to deal with an unplanned pregnancy for whatever reasons there were at the time.
God forgives you. He loves you and he knows the pain and hurt you are feeling. He knows that you made the choices you made for the reasons you made them and the pain and anguish you feel and the mourning you feel for the child you lost. I say lost, not murdered because it is a loss, whether through a miscarriage or not - you have lost a child and most of you are mourning the loss. Even those who say they made the right choice, but are filled with venom, hatred, and anger. I will not stand and condemn or judge you because I am not perfect. I am a sinner I have made choices that were outside of God's will and Elizabeth is proof of that.
You see, I was pregnant before Chris and I got married. I was 26 yrs old and my biological clock had begun ticking. I made the choice to have sex for a multitude of reasons, and the biggest one was that I loved Chris. We married shortly after finding out we were expecting her - he had proposed December 30th and the test turned positive January 8th. I too am guilty of sin. And the truth is, that sin is sin, no matter how people try to color it or portray it. When people make choices and do not listen to God's voice, they often make choices that have consequences.
Do I believe that Lizzie having special needs is a punishment - absolutely not. I believe Elizabeth was conceived from an act of love and raging hormones of course. But I also believe that God has a special purpose and plan for her. Being her mother has taught me to be compassionate and to not judge others by what I think are the circumstances, because I usually don't understand them in the slightest.
I want to share with you that at one point I considered giving her up for adoption. Chris and I had gotten married a few month previously and he had traded in his pickup truck for a minivan that we needed. A single cab truck that only seats three people didn't seem practical and so we made the trade. Chris signed the papers and the man gave us a letter stating that we didn't have to pay our first payment until a certain date and yet the man called me that awful morning telling me was coming to take the van. I naively didn't realize he was outside our house getting ready to literally take the van away.
Once we realized what was happening and Chris made a few phone calls to the company holding the loan for the van, they wanted a lot of money. Money we didn't have at the time - it seemed insurmountable to us to come up with that sum. I remember sitting there and I began to cry and I asked him,
"Maybe we should find a lawyer and talk to him about giving Elizabeth up for adoption?"
Obviously, the answer was no on his part. However, my argument was this, if we couldn't even keep a minivan and retrieve it, how could we possibly give Elizabeth what she needed and take good care of her. She deserved to have parents who could not only love her, but take care of her needs. While the idea of giving her away tore my heart in two, so did the idea of her spending her childhood, hungry, cold or going without the basic necessities, much less the things she wanted.
We found the money to get the van back that day, by the way, but that stuck with Chris. He later told me it made him love me more. The point of me telling you that, is that I've been in the place of an unplanned pregnancy, I spent the first six months of my pregnancy dealing with the ramifications emotionally and even for two years after that. I lost my relationship with Christ and only after a time did it slowly return to some semblance of where it had been before I made my decision.
The thing is this. . . despite the choices you are facing, now or have faced in the past. No matter what, Christ is the Great Physician! He can heal all of your wounds and pain. Even the pain of choosing abortion. There is no sin so great He cannot cover it with His blood. God knows your heart and he is standing there knocking on the door. Even though Satan and the world tells you he cannot possibly forgive you - they are LYING! There is no mountain too high, no ocean to wide, and no sin too great that God cannot come to you and cleanse you from that sin. Yes, it is a sin to have an abortion, but it is not so insurmountable that He cannot rain his mercy and grace upon you.
If you are suffering in silence, or even not in silence tonight. I offer you hope - God is there. He is willing and waiting to hear your heart cry out for him. He is waiting - all you have to do is ask and He will come into your heart and transform you as He promised through Paul in the Bible. All things will pass away and you will become a new creation in Christ.
Please know you can seek help at any crisis pregnancy center - many of them offer help in coping with the aftermath of abortion.
May God bless your lives richly and may you feel His love, grace and mercy shining down on you.
Love in Christ,