This is one of my best friends, Jaymi. We have gone through college together, growing spiritually, marriage, babies, and life together.
Facing some of the drama that my oldest is facing right now reminded me of facing a guy together. We both liked the same guy, he was cute, dark hair - blue eyes and a sweet heart for God. At least, Jaymi and I thought he was very cute - at the same time. The problem, he & Jaymi had become pen pals over the summer and I was pretty sure he liked her, but I liked him too.
I remember when Stephen down with me in the prayer chapel and told me he was growing in love with Jaymi. There was a part of me that wanted to do the right thing, and a part of me was less than thrilled. So I put on a brave face (although given that I'm a terrible poker player, I don't know how convincing it really was) and told her congratulations and that I was happy for her.
Of course, when it was said and done, I went home and cried to my mom.
My sister asked me on the day Jaymi and Stephen got married how I could do it, since he had chosen Jaymi over me. And I would like to say I didn't have to think about it, but here is the truth. The day after Stephen and Jaymi began dating, I was sitting in the cafeteria at the community college I was attending at the time feeling sorry for myself when I realized something. I realized several somethings actually: a) that Jaymi was a very good friend and that I loved her a lot and I loved being her friend and b) that I could sit there wallowing in self pity or I could be a truly good friend and be happy for her. That was in September 1995 and since then, I've seen Jaymi & Stephen date, get married, move to London for a year and move far away and have children. I too married eventually in 2001 and as I got to know Stephen more in depth I realized that he was a good match for Jaymi and that together they made a great team AND I now know that he would have made me crazy being married to him. Truth be told, we would never have gotten married, because our dating relationship (had there been one) would never have lasted
The moral of my story is this: guys come and go and life will toss you a lot of curveballs and lemons, but if you are lucky enough to have a good friend; then sometimes it is more important to be a friend than to have our own selfish wants and desires fulfilled. To have friends, you have to be a friend to your friends. Even when it means putting your own wants, needs, and desires on the back burner. Because if you don't, then you will end up alone, miserable and wondering why you don't have anyone who wants to be your friend.
I also learned this: That I wouldn't change my choice. I choosing to put myself aside, I learned that when we give love and we let go of our own wants and desires that we gain so much more. I gained a best friend who has stuck by me through thick and thin.
I hope you all have a good week.