Sunday, October 11, 2009

Mid life crisis

So lately, I've been having a mini mid-life crisis. Sarah is approaching 15 years of age and constantly thinking about what she wants to become as an adult. This of course, got me thinking too about my dreams and my goals when I was 15 years old. As a result of this, I began to wonder what I have done with my life and had I squandered it. This doesn't mean I was unhappy being Chris' wife, or the girl's mother, but I was definitely thinking about life and my life and how it measured up. Then it happened, I had an epiphany.

Last weekend, as Lizzie, Sarah, and Beka and I were traveling to Oklahoma to meet Meg and Sandy so the older girls could have a weekend with them; Lizzie asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. This really made me think about what had I aspired to at 15 and why I wasn't following that dream.

At 15 years old I dreamed of being a Christian music singer or even just a singer, anything that meant I got to sing. I also realized that at the time it defined who I was as a person. Around my senior year of high school, I began to realize that I was more than a nice girl with a beautiful voice. This made me pause, I suddenly began remembering why I hadn't followed this dream. First, I wanted to be defined as more than just a voice. Second, I felt God calling me in a different direction - towards helping others and at the time I thought possibly social work. All of these choices led me down a completely different path than the one I had initially planned for myself. One that has been filled with joys and of course, sorrows, but one I liked nonetheless.

It's amazing how in that moment, I no longer felt as if I should have made a different choice or that I hadn't done much. By some people's definitions I may not do much, but I am a good wife and good mom to my kids. Okay, so my house isn't immaculate, but my children are healthy and happy and I think fairly well-rounded. This will of course, be left completely up in the air until they grow up and leave home, but for the most part, they are healthy. I also realized that I am on the path I am on, because I made this choice and it wasn't made for me.

In addition, I understand that I am a homebody. I would much rather stay home with my girls and watch a movie or read a book than to be constantly on the go. It's who I am, and that's a good thing to know. So no thank you, I would not wish I had been an early version of Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears. Their lives are chaotic and filled with fake people who use and abuse them constantly, that is something I will gladly live without. So while my life goals are not huge, they are mine. And if all I accomplish from life is that our girls grow up to be women of faith (okay, I'm still working on being a better example on that one, I admit it freely) and happy and self-aware, then I think I will have done my job well. If my husband grows old with me and we are happy together, then I will have done my job and hopefully, I'll have done it very well.

I hope you all are living your dreams and that you are happy with the lives you are living. Because if you can be happy with your life, it kind of all falls into place doesn't it. Especially, when it means we are living our lives for Christ.

Have a good day.
In Christ,

No comments: