Monday, October 19, 2009

Heading Home

We head out tomorrow. I think we are all ready to go and head out - okay everyone but Sarah I should say. Sarah loves Grandma Mary like a fish loves water. They have a very close relationship, which is good - it gives her some balance and a sympathetic ear.

Lizzie, Beka and Hayden have fought all day. I am ready to pack it up and head home. However, it should be noted that once I hit my saturation point, I am always ready to head out and get going. I'm one of those people who once I've made a decision, then I am ready to make it happen and tend to leap into action. Of course, I also analyze and probably over analyze the situation first so I can see all the possible scenario's and outcomes. So most of the time, the outcome is favorable.

This got me thinking though. In a world where we cannot control every aspect of our lives, why do we insist on trying so hard to do that very thing. How often have we each attempted to control our lives only to make a horrible debacle of the entire thing? How often do we hand the reigns over to Christ and let him turn what could potentially be a terrible situation into a beautiful and often amazing outcome? This is even when it takes us a while to see this for the amazing ending we hoped for. So often I am tempted to control the major things in life and I find continually that when I allow God to control it and be in charge that He makes it into something more beautiful than even I imagined.

I spent a lot of years wondering why life threw me lemons. Actually, it used to haunt me to a great extent and colored my life - why couldn't I be like those kids on SNU campus whose only worries were if they had a date for the weekend or if Daddy would buy them a new car. It wasn't that I wanted the new car or necessarily a date, because I knew what I was looking for in a man, but I wanted to have a life where I had trivial and mundane things. I didn't want to know so many of the things I knew about or understand as well as I did what it felt like to be another person's whipping post. In fact, it took going to another country to discover that I am who I am for reason's that only God could understand at the time.

I would often go to the rocky beach and walk down there and sit with my Bible and spend time with God. Sometimes I would talk, sometimes I would listen and in those times I began to let go of the pain, the hurts of the past and over that year I received healing. I am not saying I am perfectly whole - I'm still a work in progress (aren't we all). I am saying this - emotinoal healing is possible and I discovered a few years later exactly why I had the knowledge I have. God was preparing me to be Sarah's bonus mom. When she tells me about her hurts or her time w/her mom, I get it. I can understand how she feels - granted not in the exact same way, but I still understand her feelings.

So my thought for the day is this - let God have control. I know it sounds easy to say, but it isn't - trust me I too struggle with this -on a daily basis. However, I also know that when I relinquish control that God makes something beautiful - even in the middle of brokeness.

Have a good week.

In Christ,

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