Tuesday, August 18, 2009

An eventful week

Okay this is actually from a few weeks ago when Beka hit her head and took a trip to Immediate Care. I went and got a massage in hopes of alleviating some of the knots in my shoulders and back and came home to find her and Sarah covered in blood at Tran's house. Not conducive to alleviating stress if I do say so. However, the massage did help me not tense up immediately when I got home, so I have to say it's possibly the best $60 I spent in a while.

Lizzie started school on Monday. I don't know what transpired during the day, but she was excited to go to school and came home not wanting to go back EVER - as she said. I would have found this amusing, except I was concerned about what would happen with her teacher this year. I am sure she's a good teacher, but I wasn't able to meet with her previously like I usually do since I am kind of everything for everyone right now. So I sent a note to her this evening in Lizzie's take home folder and hopefully we can meet sometime this week. I don't think she really did anything wrong, I do think that Elizabeth is a little oversensitive right now. I just need this fixed. Elizabeth really needs to enjoy school and want to go as much as possible - there is a reason that Mrs. Silveous and I pick her teachers each year. Normally, I would let the cards fall where they may, but this isn't possible for her, since she has special needs and this requires a certain type of finess to work with her. I also know Mrs. Silveous wouldn't have recommended her teacher, Mrs. Parker if she wasn't a good teacher for Lizzie. Hopefully, we can fix this before it gets out of hand. I really need this fixed before she ends up hating school.

Sarah is now officially enrolled in IQ Academy in Lawrence, KS. It's an online high school and their curriculum looks wonderful and amazing, so I have great hopes that she will be ready for college in four years like I would love for her to be. The best part is I am not her teacher, she has teachers and they can assign her homework and give her grades, so I am not the mean, stepmom AND her teacher at the same time. Thank you Sheri for telling me about it.

This brings me to another topic. Lately, Sarah has gone through a new stage of making sure that people know I am not her "real mom" but her "stepmom". You know it's not what she says, it's how she says it. Like I have some disease because I didn't give her life. And all of this makes me wonder why I even bother to try. It's not like she even realizes the crap I go through for her or what I do for her. I love her so much, and it is a constant kick you in the teeth experience on a fairly regular basis. AAAAHHH! It makes me wonder if I am sane for doing everything I do and if I wouldn't have been better off following another path. I don't mean that I would choose to not meet Chris and marry him, but maybe a different path. like better birth control or something and then Lizzie and Beka give me those stupid cheeky grins of theirs and I am reminded that I wouldn't trade them for anything in the whole wide world. Those smiles, and Sarah's smile are why I am a mom. Is it heartbreaking and gut wrenching - oh yeah. But it is also the greatest adventure I could ever take.

Okay I'll stop being all mushy and gross now. I hope you all have a good week.
Love In Christ,

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