Darkness pervades the house. I lay in bed listening to the silence and finally I can't take it anymore. I get out of bed and slowly make my way to my mom's room. She isn't there, she is sleeping these days at the hospital because Matthew is fighting for his life. I expect to crawl into her bed and fall asleep but it's already occupied. My sister, home from her own hospital stay thanks to a car accident that took our Grandma Taylor's life and a month later our Grandma Schultz (the stress caused her final and fatal heart attack).
Our house isn't really home these days, it's a shell. Silence is everywhere. I usually wait until I can no longer stay awake before I finally give in to sleep. And even then sleep is fleeting because well meaning people call, they all want answers. Sometimes I have the answers, but mainly it's all a wait and see what happens game. It's hard and worse, it often feels like I'm trying to take it all on alone.
So this night I cave in and just crawl in beside Meg. We lay there silent for awhile then begin talking. We talk about being scared, how sleeping in Mom's bed helps us feel closer to her. We are scared Matthew will die, we are scared Mom will have another heart attack, we are scared that life may never feel normal again. And for a while we are united in our fear.
For the past few years Meg and I have walked very different paths. I am going to college, working, trying to help Mom make ends meet. Meg is busy blowing of high school and following Matthew's former example of drugs and rebellion, but for that small time we are united.
The years have passed, we've still walked different paths but as we've gotten older we are finding more common ground. We both enjoy writing, love our children, and time has brought wisdom for each of us. Don't misunderstand me we still do not see eye to eye on many things, but we are working on using our commonalities to forge a friendship. We won't always agree, but we are learning to agree to disagree. The moments in the dark when we held on to each other beginning to weave a clothe of sisterhood and encouraging us to become something we've always struggled to do - become a family.