Tuesday, October 16, 2012
I have Fear of Abandonment. There I admitted it. Fear of Abandonment occurs when a child loses a parent at a young age (like I did) or after a traumatic divorce, etc. . . there are several reasons that can cause it. Some parents who have chronically ill children often struggle with it as well.
When I was younger my greatest fear was that my mom would die and I'd be left without a parent. Not an absurd fear since my dad died suddenly when I was five years old. As I got older and then married and had children I struggled with worrying about Chris and the girls. I do what I can, and spend a lot of time praying about it and giving my family to God to keep the fear from ruling my life. However, occasionally fear rears its ugly head.
A few months ago, Chris and I had it all set up to go away for a quiet weekend together just the two of us. Sarah is living in Idaho so we were asking a college student who we know from one of Lizzie's friends here in the apartment complex to stay with the girls. Then a few days before we were supposed to leave I had a horrible nightmare. I dreamed that someone shot Beka and I was only on the phone and helpless to help her and Chris didn't understand what was happening. I woke up sobbing and even now it still shakes me up, just writing about it.
But here is the truth. . . we can't stop what is going to happen. When it is some one's time to go, it's their time to go. All I can do is love my family and acknowledge that God is in control and keep praying and giving my family over to him and trust He will take care of them. We all have fears, things that scare the crud out of us. I've shared one of mine. No matter what your fear, no matter what trial you are facing - God is there. And he will take care of you and your family, even when it doesn't feel like it's going to be okay.
I hope you all have a good week.