Friday, May 11, 2012
You turned five years old recently and it occurred to me that I wrote long letters to Elizabeth and I often write letters to Sarah or blog entries about Sarah but I do not write nearly as often as I should about you or to you.
First, I want you to know how much fun I have being your Mommy. There are a million things I love about you from your smile to that funny laugh. I love that you are so confident in who you are especially the other day when you whispered in a dramatic tone "I'm awesome!" It's true you are awesome.
Second, I want you to know that as time goes on I will probably not always be your favorite person. There will be many more times as you grow up and especially when you are a teenager that you will dislike me more often than you like me. It is because of my love for you that I am gladly willing for you to dislike me. I would rather have you dislike me now and respect me later for standing firm with you than have you like me now, but not respect me later.
There are so many things I want to share with you as you get older. I know there will be times when you will feel as if I spend more time with Lizzie than I do with you. But what I know now and you don't is that Daddy is more patient with you than he is with Lizzie. I also know that you can get away with more right now because you are cute and have a cheeky grin. Lizzie has almost outgrown her cute phase and is entering the tween years when she will feel awkward and uncomfortable in her own skin. You haven't reached this phase yet, but when you do Daddy and I will be there just as we were for Sarah and we will be for Elizabeth. Don't worry your time is coming when we will be focused on you more. Lizzie has to leave home sometime you know.
I remember the day you were born. The doctor sent us to the hospital. Mommy's blood pressure was dangerously high and the doctor was concerned and so they checked us in and started the iv and shortly after being there I learned they were going to induce me. I hope for your sake you never have to be induced, it is not fun, but once they break your water, it is HORRIBLE! Obviously, I got an epidural and I had a good nurse. Daddy only touched me for a little while and then decided he should keep his hands attached to his wrists so he sat in a chair out of my reach. Your daddy is a very smart man, he knew I would kill him if I could have reached him. My nurse was great, she realized quickly that I needed to be on my right side and turned me over and that was when the real party started. Suddenly I knew you were going to be coming very quickly. You only took three hours and forty minutes to arrive! I was in labor with Lizzie for 15 hours, but you were too anxious to come out.
Before you were born I had told the doctor I wanted you to be put on my chest. I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror. I never understood why someone would want to see that, but I knew I wanted you on my chest so I could see you. You came out quickly with only four pushes and then you were with us. . . Daddy and I were so excited to see you. I love Sarah and I love Elizabeth, but I waited five years to get to meet you and at that moment when you looked at me with those big blue eyes of your I knew I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life come from my own body. Holding you and seeing you was an answer to a lot of prayers and tears! Daddy went with the nurses while they cleaned you up. He was supposed to be the one who gave you your first bath, but I had forgotten to tell the nurses he wanted to do it and so he was upset when they bathed you for him. And they tried to put you under a lamp, but by then I was cleaned up and I told them, "Don't do that, bring her to me, I'll kangaroo her and nurse her." The nurses and doctors were very surprised to hear a mom say that. They didn't know that your Mommy reads A LOT, A LOT, A LOT. I am always looking up stuff and reading something new and I had read an article before Elizabeth was born about how important kangarooing was to preemies - because the skin on skin contact helps their little bodies maintain heat longer AND helps stabilize them more. They do that for babies whose mommas do drugs too, because they are born with a lot of problems sometimes. So they brought you to me and I enjoyed snuggling you and holding you.
Daddy spent the night with us at the hospital and while he was getting some food for us, you and I got to know each other better. Daddy was so happy, he wouldn't put you down unless he absolutely had to do that. Unfortunately, he was getting sick and he shared it with you. So when you were two weeks old we had to take you to the Emergency Room so they could suck snot out of your nose and get out the extra junk. You were not a happy little girl.
You were such a join. Even now we love the millions of little funny things you do. The way you bounce when you are walking and happy. The way you smile that devilish little smile that means you are up to something. Or when you just want to come and snuggle with me or Daddy.
We are so proud of you and thank God for you every day Beka. I hope you know how much we love you and wanted you. How much we wanted all three of you girls.