A friend of mine from college shared a blog written by Allison Mack - an actress who played Chloe on Smallville for many years. She has taken time off from acting and has been figuring out who she is as a person - without being an actress. It was a very interesting blog, but it also go me thinking.
Who am I? Shortly before Chris deployed, I told him when he came home I wanted to take a vacation alone. Somewhere by myself and just be me. His response was deployment wasn't a vacation, but that wasn't really my point. My point at the time was he had an identity outside of our family. He had a role besides being some one's husband or father. I am always some one's wife, some one's mother. Before that, I was the fixer - the person my friends or close family would call when it all hit the fan. Sometimes to vent, sometimes because they needed help.
It was during deployment that I began to blog. At first, the goal was to write so Chris could read it and stay abreast of what was going on at home while he was gone. Funny little stories, sad occurrences, the things that make your life go day by day. But then something began to shift. I realized I had forgotten how much I enjoyed writing. I love playing with words, figuring out a way or a different creative way to express myself, or to tell a story. And I found something. . . I found ME! I realized I was more than a mom, more than a wife, a daughter, the fixer, the one who steps back and can look objectively. I was a person who still have hopes and dreams that went beyond my children, but included my husband.
Even now as I choose to homeschool, I try to make time to blog at least two or three times a week or daily at best. I find in writing I can work out emotions, thoughts, ideas, flesh out character ideas for a story I am still working on figuring out now. In writing, I can get lost in words. Sadly, I don't get to read as much as I used to, but at least in writing I get to keep working on staying fluid and not becoming stagnant.
My end goal is still to raise Sarah, Elizabeth and Rebekah to grow into young women who love God and seek His will daily in their lives. But I have additional goals now too. Someday maybe I'll write a book, it doesn't have to happen overnight, but someday I have intentions to go and immerse myself in the library and begin research and work on my book idea.
I hope you all have a good week.