As my wise and wonderful husband written today on Facebook - sometimes a peak at the map would be nice so we know we are going in the right direction that YOU want us to go in (paraphrased Chris Koeppel, by me).
Sometimes we face decisions that are tough. As you get older it doesn't really get any easier, and the questions and decisions you have to ask are tougher than when you were young. You find yourself as an adult and especially as a parent asking yourself and God, "Is this choice going to negatively affect my children?" "Am I setting things up so my kid will be in therapy as an adult crying that I didn't love them?" "Why does it seem the attitude starts so young in our children?"
There are of course simple questions to each day as well - "Do these shoes go with my outfit?" "What should I fix for supper tonight?" These are routine questions that as a woman I face each day. Then there are the tough choices I must make. We are currently praying that God will lead us in our choice with what to do for Elizabeth as she prepares to navigate middle school in a few years. While it would be much easier in some ways to choose homeschooling as an option - there are also issues that might arise in choosing that path. Will Switched on Schoolhouse be a good fit for her? Or do I need to find less challenging curriculum? While I realize we have two more years of elementary education to go through before we face this challenge; I also know that it is coming nevertheless.
As a planner by nature, I like to look ahead and try to come up with plans. More often than not though as I work to make these plans, I find myself asking God what He wants me to do. Sometimes of course, the answer is "wait". I'm not good at sitting and waiting. I am a woman of action, I like to get in there and get the job done or at least started as soon as possible. And yet as I grow older I have begun to realize that sometimes I need to step back and allow God work in His time and not in my time. I have found that when I wait for God's timing these things work out to His glory and praise.
While in theory, I would have loved for Sarah to come and live with us sooner. I had to wait for God to open the doors and the right opportunities so it could happen. Don't get me wrong - it was tough - we spent four years struggling with the idea that Sarah wasn't in a very good environment. There were times when Chris or I would contemplate giving up altogether, but we never could do it, because we felt God urging us to wait. In Spring 2005, I remember thinking a great deal about the fact that Sarah was coming and praying to God. I just didn't think I had the heart to have her come and spend four to six weeks with us and then have to send her back into an unstable and unhealthy environment. I remember praying and telling God I just couldn't stand to do it anymore. Slowly the doors began opening shortly after that and on July 2, 2005 Sarah came to our house and she hasn't left since except for visits with her mom. While Sarah and I may butt heads at times and we may make each other crazy, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for that girl.
In hindsight, had we gotten pregnant right away with Rebekah, it would not have been good timing. Elizabeth began having issues at age 2 yrs and I would have been left with a toddler with special needs AND a newborn while Chris was deployed in 2004. Dealing with Elizabeth and her issues at that time in the face of a sudden deployment that left us realing would have been even tougher if I'd had a baby with me at the time. When Rebekah came, Elizabeth was a little jealous, but she and Beka are buddies and playmates now. One of our favorite things is to listen to the little girls play nicely upstairs, as they use their imaginations and dolls to play together. Sure they fight like all children do, but what's even more fun is when Sarah joins them and they are all three doing so well. They have some hilarious conversations together sometimes.
So now we are waiting on God to open the doors He wants open for our family. Maybe at this time next year we will be living somewhere else whether that be Washington state because Chris works for Boeing or somewhere else because he is working for the Army in an Active Guard Reserve (AGR) slot, we will see. We may still be here, but either way, we will wait and see what God has in store for us. He's met our needs to this point so far, I don't see that ending anytime soon.
Have a good Sunday, tomorrow and I hope you enjoy your time of worship and fellowship.
Love in Christ,