Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Delayed reactions

I have a confession. I am like Meg Ryan's character in You've Got Mail. When confronted, I usually have nothing to say. Sometimes I have retorts, but more often than not, I am left speechless. So then I spend days thinking of what I should have said.

So I have a neighbor whose daughter is pregnant and she has cystic fibrosis and well even without the cf, her pregancy isn't necessarily ideal. So I have encouraged her to consider allowing her mom and dad to adopt the baby. My neighbor is on her fourth husband (there were abusive marriages, so she isn't some woman who can't commit) and they desperately want a baby. This girl is still young enough that this will seriously damper her childhood and the childhood of her boyfriend. Anyway, she came to my house and "confronted me". Let's call it what it is - she came to talk to me because she thinks she is protecting her daughter. And her daughter has spent a lot of time stressed worrying about what other people think. And after she finished talking to me - she decided to move on to the fact that we walk Lizzie over and she asks if their younger children can play. She assumed that I must need a break - okay so first, this explains the short play periods when Lizzie goes over!

Okay, what happened to the days when you would send your kids to a friends to play and no one whined about it or said it wasn't fair to them to have to say no. Now I should also point out that her girls come over w/o calling first and I let them come and play. But the real sucker punch was the look of relief over her husbands face a few days later when he came around the corner while I was heading somewhere. On his arm was this huge blown up ball that the kids could crawl in and then others roll it around with them. I couldn't hear everything he said, because I had the car running but I was ensuring that he wasn't taking to my house - then I caught it, he was going to this open grassy area next to our house and I could see he was worried about Lizzie seeing them. So I told him I'd be sure she stayed in, because I would return very shortly and that she didn't see. The relief on his face, well it really bugged me - okay it was like a knife to the heart. It wasn't just relief, I could see that he didn't like Lizzie and he didn't want her to come over.

So now I am stewing of course, because it really bugs me. First, it bugs me because I have a few things I'd love to say to this woman who is practically throwing a party for her unwed daughter who is pregnant. Yes, she wants a baby, but everything I've researched says, this baby will kill her (worst case) or take ten years off her life (that's best case scenario). It helps that I have a friend I met online several years ago who is an ob/gyn - he's explained a lot to me about why it's not good. Anyway, this woman said a lot of things that I have retorts for now, but of course, I won't go confront her because there isn't any point and honestly, I don't know if I can do it and hold my temper.

I think at this point I am just going to have to resign myself that this is only the beginning of people who don't care for Elizabeth. The kids like Elizabeth, but not so much the parents. So I have to find her some friends or something, except that the other kids in church shy away from her too. She is different and they don't know what to do with that. So here's the question, do I resign myself Lizzie being alone for a long time w/o friends? Or do I push this and ask people to step up and outside of their own selfish desires and talk to their kids so she can have playmates?

I have decided this, I won't send Lizzie over there anymore, but we will not close the door to the kids if they come over to play. Now the real challenge is this - I have to get a swing set and I am found a nice playhouse that I can purchase for the girls to play with outside. Maybe this will encourage Lizzie to stay at our house for a while and she hopefully won't notice that she can't go over to her friend's house for a while.

I know I have been somewhat vague in this one, but there are some factors that can't be divulged and if I gave a lot of the conversation then it would give a lot away. And it's not my information to divulge anyway. So now I am heartsick and not sure what to do about this or how to help Lizzie with this. So for now, we'll keep to ourselves and invite Saidra over a lot, because she has siblings like Lizzie and she likes Lizzie and I know her parents like Lizzie too.

I hope you all have a good week.
Maureen

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